Archives for November 2016

 

How often have you said to your child, ‘Please PAY ATTENTION!”?

You may have said it quietly and patiently, or more likely with some sense of urgency and exasperation in your voice. Either way, kids hear this message from parents and teachers all the time.

But have you ever taught them how to pay attention? – How to refocus your mind when it’s racing in a hundred different directions, or it’s anxiously worrying or happily daydreaming or just plain being distracted by a random butterfly passing by?

Often the kids I work with want to pay attention better. They try to stay focused, but they can’t quite figure out how to do it – especially when they’re overwhelmed by the stress of busyness all around us.

And that’s where mindfulness practice can really come in handy.

The Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness, remember, is a particular way of paying attention. It’s paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment, without judgment (or bias or blame). It’s the skill of intentional attention – being fully present in this moment, attending to what is right here, right now.
The cool thing about mindfulness? It’s a skill that anyone, even a child, can develop with practice. It’s a mental muscle that can be strengthened and put to good use – reducing stress, improving concentration, calming hot emotions, cultivating kindness.

And boy does it come in handy when we find ourselves “scatter-brained” or “zoning out” or literally “lost in thought.”

In short, when we train our minds to focus more clearly, we can more easily find calm in the chaos of life.

How Can I Help My Child Be More Mindful?

1. Be inviting and encouraging. It’s very important for any mindfulness practice that we approach it with an attitude of kindness and curiosity – rather than “command and control.” Invite your child to explore the possibilities in each moment. Encourage them to discover whatever it is they may notice or experience. Accept when they are not in the mood or unable to do so.

You are not trying to produce a “right answer.” You are simply supporting your child in starting to notice what they notice (and from there we’ll notice what they need, and then notice what choices they’re making, and how that’s working for them – but first things first).

2. Practice moments of stillness. A very helpful way of focusing our attention, especially at first, is by practicing being still and quiet for brief periods of time. Here, try it with me right now – let’s see what you notice.

Allow your body to settle in place, wherever, however it is, however it wants to be in this moment. Let your body become still, your feet quietly and firmly on the floor, your hands resting quietly in your lap. See what you notice for the next few moments as you let your body become perfectly still. Just see what you notice. Ready, go. (30 seconds)

Ok, great, what did you notice?! You may have noticed that your body feels calmer, perhaps relaxed or even tired. Or maybe you noticed it was restless and jittery. You may have felt tightness, tension, or pain somewhere. You may not have noticed anything in your body. You may have noticed sounds around you. Or saw something in the room you hadn’t noticed before. Or you may have noticed racing thoughts in your mind. – Or worries or judgments about whether you were doing this right. – Or thoughts that this was boring or stupid.

3. Know that “It’s good to know.” It’s all good to know! WHATEVER was going on for you, it’s good to notice it. In that moment of awareness, you were being mindful. It that moment, you just strengthened your powers of attention!

4. Repeat as directed. Now, if you and your child can become still for just 1-2 minutes, once or twice a day, to just notice – What is going on in this moment? What do I notice going on around me? What do I notice going on inside me? Then you will be strengthening your mindfulness muscles. You will be developing the habit of mind of being more fully present and focused.

There are many more ways to practice and strengthen mindful attention skills, and in the coming months we’ll explore more of them. This is a good beginning. For now, begin to cultivate a culture in your home (or classroom) of pausing each day, just to notice, with kindness and curiosity, what’s up? What do you notice, here, now?

How often have you said to your child, ‘Shhh, just relax and calm down!”?

You may have said it lovingly as they were crying and shaking from some upsetting experience. Or you may have said it harshly as they were frantically racing around, yelling and screaming.

But have you ever taught them how to calm themselves down?

Often kids want to calm down, they try to relax, but they can’t quite figure out how to do it – especially when they’re all revved up and need it the most.

That’s where regular mindfulness practice can really come in handy.

Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to what’s going on in the present moment, nonjudgmentally. It’s noticing what’s going on around you or inside you, right here, right now. And it’s a life skill that can be developed with practice.

In short, when we train our minds to focus more clearly and kindly, we can more easily find calm in the daily chaos of life.

How Can I Help My Child Be More Mindful?

One of the most basic mindfulness skills is being able to notice what’s going on inside your own body. It’s literally going out of your mind (!) to be present to the bodily sensations you experience.

Why? Because our bodies give us clues to how we’re feeling, which drives our behaviors. We can’t fully focus and function if we aren’t aware of how we’re feeling first. And if we’re not attuned to our bodies, which most of us aren’t these days, we can’t do that very well.

So, have some fun finding a few minutes a day to practice body awareness skills with your kids. It will help them develop greater self-awareness, which will serve as the foundation for better self-control.

You may first practice “putting on” different body postures and faces. Show each other and notice how it feels to have a tense body, angry body, happy body, sad body, excited body, lazy body, restless body, relaxed body.

Pause between each one and reflect out loud what you noticed – what you felt in different parts of your body when you did this. Good to know!

What Do You Notice?

You can then play “I Spy” detective throughout the day, looking for opportunities to notice what your body is telling you. Prompt your child, “What are you noticing in your body, right now?” “What do you notice?”

Then you can add, “What do you need (to calm yourself down, to take care of yourself)?”

Become partners in uncovering the clues as to what your child is feeling in their body, and what they can do about it. Be sure to use sensation words for what bodily feelings they notice – warm or cool, heavy or light, hard or soft, tense or relaxed, restless or stillness.

Often simply pausing to mindfully notice what’s going on can start to change your child’s energy level. By practicing this together, you empower your child to discover what works for them. And you can both enjoy the day, more calmly and peacefully!